My new hero

Johanna Basford.  I just discovered her work today through random, mindless internetting.  And now I'm obsessed.  Go check her out here.

I haven't died...

I promise.

I live. I breathe. I just don't write. And for that, I really am sorry.  I'm mostly sorry that this type of post seems to be recurring.  Which is why I have been taking this break from all of the various grand projects I so optimistically committed to over the past few months.  I think it was mostly an attempt to find my passion and organize my life.  Good news is I have direction.  Well, I have an idea of a direction. Now I am planning how to follow it.  Yes, part of it involves a greater commitment to my online presence so hopefully I will be posting regularly soon. But first I need to work on my plan.  Jumping in too quickly appears to be my downfall. As much as I would love be structure-less, full of possibility and the necessary will to just go, take, do as I please....I'm not. A lesson learned the hard way. I need a plan, thought out and written down somewhere I can constantly look back at it to keep myself on course.

My new direction is big.  Which means I need to focus.  So I have given up on the quilting and knitting and random other acts for a while so that I can focus on my creativity, something within me that I have feared and hidden for a long time now.  I can't anymore.  I know it's in there somewhere and I need to bring it back to the surface.  In my youth, I was fearless and somewhere along the way, self-doubt crept in and took hold of me.  I stopped listening to my heart and ignored my desire to create.  Well, that isn't entirely true.  I still took part in acts of artistic expression.  But not with passion and courage. I took photos because I was afraid to use my hands.  I never cultivated my drawing abilities because I never particularly loved my style (and I was operating under the assumption that my style would never grow...false).  I love photography.  But I would also love to draw.  I studied psychology because I never believed my artistic abilities would reach a level that could sustain me (monetarily).  Again, I loved psychology and I still enjoy studying it, but I don't want to pursue it as a career.

Now, I know where my heart is and I know that it's feasible to create a lucrative career I love. It will take planning and hard work and patience. But realizing there is a solution is the first step to reaching a goal.

One fish, two fish, red fish.....diapers?

Created by: MastersDegree.net

Quilt Along

I'm doing a quilt along!

Something you should know about me.  I become infatuated with things.  Not people (although that happens too), but objects.  More specifically, things that come in a variety of colors and can be bought and hoarded. Over the years, this has included key chains, men's neck ties, yard, vintage pyrex, vintage drink ware, English bone china, shoes, handbags, etc., etc.  You name it, I'll collect it.  Around this same time last year, my new "thing" became fabric.

Back when I was in middle school, my parents randomly bought me a sewing machine for Hanukkah.  My mom said it was because of the ridiculous dresses I used to draw when I was little.  She took that as a sign I should be a fashion designer.  I immediately bought a shirt pattern, attempted to make it out of the wrong kind of fabric, and put my sewing machine away for good.

Then, last year, I realized that clothes might not be the best place to start learning how to sew with my machine.  I developed a fascination with quilting fabric and all the different patterns you can create on a quilt top. I bought some fabric, dusted off my sewing machine, and set out to make my friend some place mats for her birthday.  Problem was, I didn't have a cutting mat, which made cutting the fabric difficult.  I couldn't cut straight and I couldn't sew straight.  The sewing machine went back up and the place mat tops got tossed on the pile of my unfinished crafts.

But no more!  I will finish the place mats.  And....AND....I am doing a quilt along on this blog.  I WILL MAKE A QUILT!  Stay tuned....

*EDIT* 2/27/13  - I will make a quilt. Eventually. Right now, I need to assemble my life.

It's a New Year so there must be Resolutions

I don't have a set list of resolutions.  Basically, this has been happening to me for the past couple of weeks:

I'll be walking along and think of a resolution.  I will proclaim the resolution to whoever I happen to be spending time with at that moment.  Then, I will forget the resolution.

I know...I need to start carrying a notebook for moments like that because they happen quite a lot and I can never remember my epiphanies, no matter how important they seem (or are).

I'm going to try and remember them now and record them here.  I have been notoriously bad at sticking to my resolutions (although, these days, it seems resolutions are more in place to break than to keep) but hopefully I have told enough people that I will feel sufficiently ashamed if I don't break them.  I'm going to do this differently than usual because my posts tend to get a little lengthy.  All of my resolutions can be stated in one or two words so this post will be my master list. Then, this week, I will elaborate on the various resolutions in separate posts.  This will keep the posts succinct and help me keep one of them (spoiler alert: I want to blog more).  Ok. Here goes:

- Exercise.

- Read.

- Write.

- Craft.

- Cook.

- Progress.

- Love.

- Interact.

- Record.

- Organize.
- Purify.
- Sustain.

Inspiration

My brain hasn't been functioning too well today so here are some quotes from Wayne Dyer to get you through....

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” 

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”  

“You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.” 

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.” 

“You have everything you need for complete peace and total happiness right now.”

“You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.” 

“You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, 'I release the need for this in my life'.” 

“The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of the state of your mind.”

"Now is all there is, and the future is just another present moment to live when it arrives.”

“You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.” 

"Those who think that the world is a dark place are blind to the light that might illuminate their lives. Those who see the light of the world view the dark spots as merely potential light.” 

Your limbs have had it up to here with your demands

Exercising is a strange concept.  I think that if I were poor or somebody from a country where gyms were not "a thing", I would find them laughable. Can you think of a better example of a leisure activity?  We pay a monthly fee to run on a treadmill.  Gyms are have a direct relationship to the excess amount of food we consume. Everything in excess!  Even exercise. We run and run and run then we lift and lift and lift.  We are neither running to from anything and nothing will ever require us to be able to lift that much weight in the normal course of our lives. We do it because when we're not exercising, we are eating. It's all about balance, right?

Then there is a the fact that exercise is basically going against all of our survival instincts.  Our hearts start to pound and our limbs hurt and want to give up and what do we do? We push further.  Lifting weights is the only time you want to push yourself "to failure". This literally means that you tell your arm to lift the weight another time and your arm responds by hanging limp at your side.  You are no longer the master of your own body.  The muscle is in control now it's all,  "Nope, I'm good" or, "Oh you mean drop the weight?  Yeah I can do that!"

Another interesting side of the "eat so much we need to pay to work it off" mindset is the idea that there should be a magic solution.  Whenever I see somebody from the past, if I happen to be looking particularly fiiiine that day, and if that person is female, they, without fail, ask me what my secret is.  People try fad diets  and read self help books, and take pills and everything to try to find out the "secret" of how to lose weight.  In reality, everyone knows how.  Burn more than you eat.  It's not a trick.  It's science.  The answer people are really hunting for is how they can be skinnier without actually altering their day-to-day routine. We are a society full of people who know what to do but make excuses not to and overturn every rock they come across in search of a loophole.

Now, if you'll excuse me....I have a pile of Hershey's Kisses to attend to. But it's ok...I ran 3 miles this morning.

That time I had a dream about eating ice cream with my ex

I am sick of thinking about boys.  I just want to throw that one out there.  I became boy crazy around the same time my "womanly curves" began to fill in way back around my 11th birthday and since then, it has been all down hill.

Recently, I came across this article on my favorite procrastination website, Thought Catalog.  I agree with the title more so than the message contained within.  Not because the message is false.  I think it rings true, to some degree, for most of us.  More so because the title didn't bring to my mind the same explanation contained in the essay.  I'm not sick of thinking about boys because their opinions hold too much pull over my self-worth or emotions.  I'm sick of thinking about boys because I have more productive things to do with my mental energy.  And yet, ever since I looking into that blue eyed, buck-toothed face of my first crush in 2nd grade, there those gentlemen sit, atop my heart, nestled between chocolate and my bed.

Last night, I had a dream.  The only action I remember in this dream involved my ex-boyfriend and I going to an ice cream parlor and....wait for it....eating ice cream.  Now, never mind the fact that my subconscious had to drag ice cream into this nightmare when it was sitting around perfectly innocent, minding its own delicious business. But of all the potential ice cream buddies my mind undoubtedly has tucked away, why my ex?  Why a guy at all?  Why not a cheeky girlfriend to eat ice cream and gossip with? Now, after a record amount of time not thinking about real life Voldemort (he-who-shall-not-be-named...in case you didn't know where I intended that reference to go), he's popped up again.  I'm not sad.  I'm not angry with him.  I'm just frustrated.  Dear dream Liz, Chris Hemsworth was probably around the corner and he has a much better conversation style (read: voice).

But that's not all.  I had a dream the night before another previous flame. And even as I sit here contemplating why I am thinking about these lads (and how many hours until I can go get some damn ice cream), I know there are better things I could be thinking about.  I could plan a novel or a screen play.  I could lay out a schedule for cleaning, painting, and organizing my room.  I could dream up my next crafty project.  I could revise my 6-month plan to achieve world domination (the old one would come to fruition in February and, realistically, I'm going to need a bit more time).

This is what girls do.  We think about boys.  I'm sure boys think about girls too but I have never possessed the correct set of equipment to make a quantifiable comparison.  But girls tear each other apart over boys.  So...I'm kicking the habit, one beautifully shaped bicep at a time.  Gentlemen of yesteryear, I can't be bothered to ponder your beauty, charm or stupidity any longer. And that goes for you, subconscious!  How about you give me the plans for a new invention or a dream about space travel instead?  On second thought....that dream featuring Ian Somerhalder wasn't that bad....

On Being Young

I've said this before but it's something I have spent a lot of time thinking about, especially when I feel like things are getting rough, and while reading The Happiness Project, it came to mind again.  At my age, my peers and I tend to still have the adolescent knee-jerk reaction that every heartbreak is a catastrophe, ripping our world apart and we will never be the same again after this.  Or, in a similar vein, we twenty-somethings consider ourselves fully formed and locked into our lives.  We are "adults" and with that comes commitment to where we are and who we are with. Both of these viewpoints are flawed and can be detrimental to both our maturation and happiness.  Here's why.  Be warned, this is a bit of a rant.  But I think it's a good one.

Life is 90% about outlook.  You make create your "path" through conscious decisions and the way you react to circumstances you can't avoid or change.

First, nothing is the end of the world, except the actual end of the world. People have the beautiful ability to react to the events and environment surrounding them and adapt to new circumstances.  As long as you believe you are strong enough, you will be.  As cheesy as that it, I believe it's true. Here's an example.  Almost every valuable life lesson I've retained has come from my mother. When my grandmother died, my mom slipped into depression and I am sure she never believed she could feel happy again. But she looked around her, saw her family, her children, and tried to focus on the various blessings she had.  She was healthy, her children were successfully surviving on their own and she had maintained a close relationship with them, she had food and shelter and she is brilliant.  So she started going for walks (exercise makes you happy as does the blue of the sky...it's science), she ate half of an apple a day (she told me there is something in it that helps fight depression but I don't remember the details) and she took it day by day.  Another example that I might reference way too many times is my breakup at the end of college. I lost my boyfriend and my friends. A relative fell ill, and my dog died.  This was also during finals week.  I didn't want to get out of bed or go to class or work on my senior thesis in photography.  I would sit there, just thinking that I would never be as happy as I had been and I would always feel that dragging despair.  It feels ridiculous now because I am actually much happier day to day than I was before the break up.  That gave me perspective.  I got through it.  I took it day by day.  I read a book to distract my thoughts.  And now I am more than ok.

Now those were my two most extreme examples but there are a lot of smaller, everyday heartbreaks that can start to bog you down.  Somebody you likes won't text you back (such a silly action to give so much value to but we all do it), you feel stuck at your job, your room is in disarray again despite the fact that you clean it thoroughly every week, you have no money, on and on and on. The next time something happens and you feel lost or heartbroken, just remember to take it day by day and eventually you will feel better.  Happy thoughts make happier people.  Don't knock the cliche until you try it. And, as a bonus, happier people reflect happiness, making those around them happier, who in turn reflect the happiness back at them. Best win-win situation ever.

Onto the second thing. We feel stuck.  Not all of us.  There are those majestic, beautiful young people out there that know they can touch the sky and just keep jumping until they do. But some of us, we see ourselves in our jobs and with the people we have and living where we do and think "This is my life and I am now responsible for all of these things."  The truth is, we owe no loyalty to the situation we are currently in.  We are responsible for our decisions.  You're not stuck.  If you think you are, you are making the decision to stay there and that's the downfall.  This one ties back to my first statement because a big part of remain stagnant is the comfort that it affords us.  Routine is easy, innovation is hard.  The longer you remain in a relationship, be it with a person, place, or company, the more you feel like you need to stay to make the effort you have already put in "worth it" and because that relationship is not completely void of happiness and benefits, even if it isn't quite exactly what you want or the best you can do.  Leaving behind the good in order to seek out better is terrifying.  What if you don't find it? That's the risk you take.  While this time in our lives may not be the one possible time to take that risk, it is the best.  Later, you'll be married and have children which will complicate your relationship with that person.  You'll have those other people attached to you that would need to move also, which will complicate your relationship with that place.  Your need to support those people and pay for that house in that location will complicate your relationship with that company.  Saying you can't change something now because it will hurt another or you will end up poor and alone or any other excuse is just that..an excuse.  If you want to be something better, now is the time to be it.  And if you fail, if you do end up cold and alone and poor, come find me and I'll give some support and a good meal.

But you won't fail.

Titty realignment

Today marks the official beginning of the holiday season for me.  Its finally December, "Elf" is running back to back on ABC Family, and I have busted out my special stretchy pants (because, honestly, no spinning class can make up for the cookie storm that is about to form in my kitchen).  In an effort to be more spirited, I have scoped out some festive holiday events about town.  The first of which was today, in Old Town Alexandria. Some friends and I gathered for the Scottish Walk and the Boat Parade of Lights and let me tell you, my loyal and devoted followers....it was everything I thought it would be and so much more!

But really....not really.  I parked outside of Old Town, somewhere between Queen St. and Narnia then made the trek over to the King, hoping to catch the tail end of the Walk. I have to say, I was expecting more men in kilts and fewer dogs.  Also, they blocked off a two block perimeter which seems to be a little extreme to me. My friend has a similar parking experience so we didn't meet up until an hour after our scheduled rendez-vous.

While waiting, I decided to defrost in the Torpedo Factory.  A woman approached me in the bathroom and asked if I would be interested in a 25 year old gentleman who just earned his PhD.  Before I could even as my usual questions (how tall is he?) she informed me he is her son and lives in Nebraska.  Oh well.  I was really hoping he would be the one.  I'm sure if I keep checking public facilities, I'll come across another desperate mother with a more geographically desirable son she's willing to pimp out.

After an hour or so in the art galleries and one old photographer hitting on me later, we got food.  Then we realized it would be another 3 hours until the boat parade. This part isn't super exciting...we shopped.

Now to the best part.  The boats.  These boats were spectacular.  The inspired ideas, the flawless execution, and the cheering crowds were....absent.  Basically, a hundred people stood on a dock and watched several boats go by who's owners got bored, stumped, or injured halfway through decoration (that's the only explanation I can think of for the lackluster nature of the light show). My friend, A, and  spent the whole time laughing along with the people around us and in the end decided we should win the competition for being the most entertaining and well decorated people there.  A, if you're reading this, I am sorry you endured 9 straight hours in Old Town Alexandria today.  But I had a lovely time.  I, however, am easily amused.

Next week's holiday adventure?  ICE at National Harbor.  I have high hopes.

And now you all are probably wondering how I chose the name for this post.  Well my friend and I were in Old Town today and...eh..you had to be there.