I haven't died...

I promise.

I live. I breathe. I just don't write. And for that, I really am sorry.  I'm mostly sorry that this type of post seems to be recurring.  Which is why I have been taking this break from all of the various grand projects I so optimistically committed to over the past few months.  I think it was mostly an attempt to find my passion and organize my life.  Good news is I have direction.  Well, I have an idea of a direction. Now I am planning how to follow it.  Yes, part of it involves a greater commitment to my online presence so hopefully I will be posting regularly soon. But first I need to work on my plan.  Jumping in too quickly appears to be my downfall. As much as I would love be structure-less, full of possibility and the necessary will to just go, take, do as I please....I'm not. A lesson learned the hard way. I need a plan, thought out and written down somewhere I can constantly look back at it to keep myself on course.

My new direction is big.  Which means I need to focus.  So I have given up on the quilting and knitting and random other acts for a while so that I can focus on my creativity, something within me that I have feared and hidden for a long time now.  I can't anymore.  I know it's in there somewhere and I need to bring it back to the surface.  In my youth, I was fearless and somewhere along the way, self-doubt crept in and took hold of me.  I stopped listening to my heart and ignored my desire to create.  Well, that isn't entirely true.  I still took part in acts of artistic expression.  But not with passion and courage. I took photos because I was afraid to use my hands.  I never cultivated my drawing abilities because I never particularly loved my style (and I was operating under the assumption that my style would never grow...false).  I love photography.  But I would also love to draw.  I studied psychology because I never believed my artistic abilities would reach a level that could sustain me (monetarily).  Again, I loved psychology and I still enjoy studying it, but I don't want to pursue it as a career.

Now, I know where my heart is and I know that it's feasible to create a lucrative career I love. It will take planning and hard work and patience. But realizing there is a solution is the first step to reaching a goal.