Birthday weekend

I know you all are just on edge waiting hear how my birthday weekend went.  Well, where did I leave off?  Thursday?  Friday?  Friday it is.

On Friday, I was a little busy after work so the only exercise I really got was the walk at lunch.  Friday night I walked all the way to Whitlow's in high heels and I tell ya, that ought to count for something!  Bonus points?  I walked all the way home in them also!  Although I must credit some of my bravery and strength to some...uh...liquid courage.

Needless to say, I did not go for a run Saturday morning as my birthday celebrations left a wee bit incapacitated.  Once I was (almost) certain I could keep down breakfast, J and I managed to drag ourselves and my couch-crashing friends over to Bayou for some extremely delicious biscuits and beignets.  I tell you, when I move out to Ballston, I better still be able to make it the whole 2 miles down the road to get those hangover curing biscuits. After that, J and I bid farewell to the boys, pointing them toward the metro, as we made our way to Harris Teeter for one of the most nauseating grocery shopping trip I have ever encountered.  Who knew the smell of fresh baked bread and the sight of the beer aisle could be so torturous? We got all of our necessities for the BBQ later that day (and made sure to text friends to pick up the items we inevitable forgot) and went home for some much needed R&R on the couch, finishing up the final season of our Friends DVDs.

Around 3, we began skewering out marinated chicken and shrimp, wrapping pineapple in bacon, and anticipating the arrival of our guests.  We glanced out the window and noticed the courtyard was packed.  A momentary panic spread when we realized the only two grills were occupied but I resolved to send my oh so charming, 6'3" T to go secure us a grill.  We ended up not having a problem and set up some blankets downstairs once everyone arrived.  The BBQ turned out great.  We ate and chatted and played a few heated rounds of Bocce, only retreating indoors when the sky threatened to open up on us.  After that, we watched the Olympics in the clubroom.  Once a few people had to go home, the rest of us went back to our apartment, got dressed (after I tried on numerous outfits and my friend suggested I wear a tailored work dress, unbuttoned with a lace cami underneath...that got vetoed) and made out way out to Clarendon Grill.  I got spilled on about 7 times in the 2 1/2 hours we were shakin it on the dance floor.  We hobbled home at 2am, covered in glow sticks, and promptly passed out.

Sunday morning arrived a little too soon and with it, my first flag football game in two months.  Thankfully, the game was not until noon and I was remarkably free of any hangover.  J and I drove out to Centreville and almost got lost since neither of us had been in so long.  When we finally made it, almost our whole team had managed to show up, giving us a full group of subs.  I played defense, rushing the quarterback all game, which left me shaky and sore after allowing myself to fall well out of shape since our last game.  There were a couple of plays in which he gave us the run around and I just wanted to stop running but I managed to give it a good go and we won the game (not necessarily due to my assistance).

After the game, J and I dawdled before heading to my parents house in order to give the inspector time to leave (they are selling the house).  Once there, we changed, I showed her around the main setting of all my childhood memories, and planted ourselves on the couch to watch the Olympics while my dad prepared food and my mom talked.  Dad made shrimp po boys, one of my favorites (J's first time having one), and red velvet cake.  They same Happy Birthday to me while I sang it to Jenny and I made her blow out a candle on the cake.  We watched "Mirror, Mirror", which left me aching to run my fingers through Armie Hammer's impeccable hair, before heading home and falling asleep to the women's gymnastics competition

All in all, it was a really great weekend.  As for presents, I got a wine decanter, wine glasses, a bottle of wine (sensing a theme?), a pasta roller (!!!!!!), a couple of Le Creuset casserole dishes (!!!!!), some miscellaneous kitchen things (really...sensing a theme?), and a lot of love.  Thanks to my family and friends for being so fantastic and celebrating with me!  I plan to make 23 as spectacular as 1-22 have been!

Some Joyce Carol Oates quotes

“We work in the dark—we do what we can—we give what we have. Our doubt is our passion, and our passion is our task. The rest is the madness of art.”

“It makes me angry sometimes, it’s a visceral thing—how you come to despise your own words in your ears not because they aren’t genuine, but because they are; because you’ve said them so many times, your ‘principles,’ your ‘ideals’—and so damned little in the world has changed because of them.”

“Her first intense, serious love affair, yes then she’d lost something more tangible, if undefinable: her heart? her independence? her control of, definition of, self? That first true loss, the furious bafflement of it. And never again quite so assured, confident.”

“…failure is a human condition, not victory over odds; for each Hellen Keller who triumphs, there are tens of millions who fail, mute and deaf and insensate as vegetables tossed upon a vast garbage pile to rot.”

"My belief is that art should not be comforting; for comfort, we have mass entertainment and one another. Art should provoke, disturb, arouse our emotions, expand our sympathies in directions we may not anticipate and may not even wish." 

"And this is the forbidden truth, the unspeakable taboo - that evil is not always repellent but frequently attractive; that it has the power to make of us not simply victims, as nature and accident do, but active accomplices." 

"For what is delusion but the prelude to hurt. And what is hurt but the prelude to rage."

Starting over for the last time

If you have read my previous posts and your short term memory is fully functional, you may recall that I made a few resolutions to start this fresh new year in my life.  My main one is to exercise.  I make this promise all the time and this time I will stick to it because something horrible, wretched, AWFUL happened last night!

I was trying to decide what to wear for my birthday festivities tonight and thought I would give my good ol' sequined New Years Eve dress a try.  Well, as you could probably guess, it is too small.  I thought maybe, dresses being fairly forgiving, 15 pounds wouldn't be too bad.  But 15 pounds makes a difference, people...a big difference.  So whenever I lack inspiration or I am tempted to shirk my exercise responsibilities, I simply need to remember that feeling.  And if I have trouble remembering it, the dress is hanging in my closet, mocking me as I gently weep into my ice cream bowl.

I made the decision to do a sort of 30-day challenge which means I have to exercise in some form for at least 30 minutes every day for the next 30 days. I'm hoping that, by sticking to this, I can muscle through the lack of motivation and form a gym habit so that exercising can feel fun and necessary again.  I used to be so good and feel bad if I didn't go to the gym.  Then I went through a period where I couldn't go and its been a struggle for a few months. I think I am mostly bored with running but never feel satisfied with other things. I'm also frustrated that I can pound out 4 miles like I used to.  Starting over is a big downer but if I can focus, I should be back on track in no time.

The good news is I am off to a good start.  Well, one day so far.  But that's better than my repeated decisions to "start tomorrow".  I got up at 6:00am yesterday, of my own accord (not even with an alarm!) and went for a 2 mile run.  I was pleasantly surprised because I apparently have not backslid as much as I thought.  I was fully prepared to do the whole walk-a-quarter-mile-then-run-half-a-mile thing but I kept the speed fairly low and ran at a steady pace for a full mile before I needed a break.  Even then, I wasn't out of breath or dying, I just had a stomach cramp.

This morning, I was exhausted, so I slept in.  Which is bad.  I will be more disciplined in the future, I promise.  But the good news is my parents and I rescheduled dinner which frees up time for a run when I get home.

Nobody likes you when you're 23

I know, I know....way over played.  But I HAD TO DO IT!  Despite the famous Blink 182 line, I managed to make it through my birthday and still feel well-liked.  But I suppose there are still 363 days left to my 23rd year.

My birthday was pretty low-key.  My plan was to get started on the whole resolutions thing ASAP but the "it's my birthday and I am going to do what ever I want" mindset won out so instead of waking up at 6am to run 2 miles, I slept until 7:40. Then.....I went to work. Womp, womp.  But my mom sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and I got a million text messages and facebook posts and what not.  Cheesy (and most, probably fake) but exciting all the same.


When 5:30 FINALLY rolled around, a couple of friends from work and I went check out Redline, a bar in Chinatown.  I invited a few other friends (the booths can only hold 8 so I limited my guest list) and we all met for drinks and appetizers, pizza, and dessert.  This was really the first year I had an obligation the day after my birthday so I held firm to my lets-not-get-super-drunk-and-vomit-at-work-the-next-day rule.  My friends did buy me a Happy Birthday Shot, which came out with a lit sparkler attached and tasted remarkably like chocolate cake.  In case you're wondering, the food at Redline is delicious.  We had some chicken skewers, lobster mac and cheese, alligator (yes...alligator), wings, and pizza.  They also have table top taps so we chose a table with Bud Light and Sam Adams Summer Ale.  Be careful though...when you are in charge of dispensing your own beer, the tab begins to rise fairly fast. Jenny and I stumbled home, drunk off of food rather than drink, and passed I passed out around 11.  


All in all, a good day. But in true twenty-something fashion, it being Friday and all, the real celebration begins tonight....

New Year Resolutions

Tomorrow is my birthday, the start of a new year in my life.  Since I didn't quite stick to my resolutions from the more widely recognized New Year, going backwards more often than forwards, I have decided to set some new ones to start tomorrow.  I'll be 23 and I think it is about time I get on track. So starting tomorrow, I will.....

- Exercise, damnit!  I say this all the time.  I say it yearly, monthly, weekly....daily!  I need to exercise. The problem is, I find it boring.  Part of me views this as an indication that I have moved on from some of my aggression of the past.  It used to be easy to find motivation to run by turning to some anger or resentment I was harboring toward a certain someone in the recent past.  But at the moment I find myself...apathetic.  So from now on, I need new inspiration.  And when inspiration lacks, I need self control. The ability to tell myself to do something and actually get it done.  I will wake up at 6am, actually get out of bed, and move forward toward progress. That extra hour of sleep isn't worth the guilt I feel at the end of the say or terror of putting on an item of clothing that used to fit perfectly and having to dig out my older, larger pants.

- Stop procrastinating....and forgetting.  I do that a lot. I will tell myself to do something as soon as I get home and in the time it takes to walk from the metro to my apartment, completely forget. I suppose I'll need some sort of system for this but I'll work something out.  Carry a notebook, perhaps.

-Clean thoroughly and often.  Clean my bedroom, clean the kitchen, clean my email inbox, clean my body, clean, clean, clean.  I need to declutter.  I have a lot of stuff I never use and it is time to downsize.  Part of me kept thinking I just needed more space.  For the past couple years I have been saying to myself "my room is too small...it's impossible to be organized when things don't fit."  Well, why do I need so much stuff?  The answer...I don't!

- Go do shit.  I need to get out more.  Plain and simple.  Maybe I need to learn to be alone better and go do things by myself.  But I would much rather have people to do stuff with.  Any takers?

- STOP BEING NERVOUS ABOUT EVERYTHING! The prospect of moving, the idea of getting a new job, the chance of encounters with strangers.  I need to chill out.

Those are the big ones.  I'm sure if I thought about it, I could come up with a million small things I need to do to be a better me.  But I am also going to try to stop obsessing over things like that.  I'm a pretty good version of myself. I felt so out of whack for so long that it has been an interesting and difficult journey reclaiming myself over the past year and a half.  But I feel comfortable now. Bring it on, 23!

C'mon love, give us a smile

I tend toward sadder music. I think it has something to do with the way happiness cannot be trusted. Think about it. Portraiture tends to revolve around people, posed or candid, not smiling. Its because a smile is almost always staged, covering up some underlying turmoil. Happiness feels fleeting while sadness feels inescapable.