I've said this before but it's something I have spent a lot of time thinking about, especially when I feel like things are getting rough, and while reading The Happiness Project, it came to mind again. At my age, my peers and I tend to still have the adolescent knee-jerk reaction that every heartbreak is a catastrophe, ripping our world apart and we will never be the same again after this. Or, in a similar vein, we twenty-somethings consider ourselves fully formed and locked into our lives. We are "adults" and with that comes commitment to where we are and who we are with. Both of these viewpoints are flawed and can be detrimental to both our maturation and happiness. Here's why. Be warned, this is a bit of a rant. But I think it's a good one.
Life is 90% about outlook. You make create your "path" through conscious decisions and the way you react to circumstances you can't avoid or change.
First, nothing is the end of the world, except the actual end of the world. People have the beautiful ability to react to the events and environment surrounding them and adapt to new circumstances. As long as you believe you are strong enough, you will be. As cheesy as that it, I believe it's true. Here's an example. Almost every valuable life lesson I've retained has come from my mother. When my grandmother died, my mom slipped into depression and I am sure she never believed she could feel happy again. But she looked around her, saw her family, her children, and tried to focus on the various blessings she had. She was healthy, her children were successfully surviving on their own and she had maintained a close relationship with them, she had food and shelter and she is brilliant. So she started going for walks (exercise makes you happy as does the blue of the sky...it's science), she ate half of an apple a day (she told me there is something in it that helps fight depression but I don't remember the details) and she took it day by day. Another example that I might reference way too many times is my breakup at the end of college. I lost my boyfriend and my friends. A relative fell ill, and my dog died. This was also during finals week. I didn't want to get out of bed or go to class or work on my senior thesis in photography. I would sit there, just thinking that I would never be as happy as I had been and I would always feel that dragging despair. It feels ridiculous now because I am actually much happier day to day than I was before the break up. That gave me perspective. I got through it. I took it day by day. I read a book to distract my thoughts. And now I am more than ok.
Now those were my two most extreme examples but there are a lot of smaller, everyday heartbreaks that can start to bog you down. Somebody you likes won't text you back (such a silly action to give so much value to but we all do it), you feel stuck at your job, your room is in disarray again despite the fact that you clean it thoroughly every week, you have no money, on and on and on. The next time something happens and you feel lost or heartbroken, just remember to take it day by day and eventually you will feel better. Happy thoughts make happier people. Don't knock the cliche until you try it. And, as a bonus, happier people reflect happiness, making those around them happier, who in turn reflect the happiness back at them. Best win-win situation ever.
Onto the second thing. We feel stuck. Not all of us. There are those majestic, beautiful young people out there that know they can touch the sky and just keep jumping until they do. But some of us, we see ourselves in our jobs and with the people we have and living where we do and think "This is my life and I am now responsible for all of these things." The truth is, we owe no loyalty to the situation we are currently in. We are responsible for our decisions. You're not stuck. If you think you are, you are making the decision to stay there and that's the downfall. This one ties back to my first statement because a big part of remain stagnant is the comfort that it affords us. Routine is easy, innovation is hard. The longer you remain in a relationship, be it with a person, place, or company, the more you feel like you need to stay to make the effort you have already put in "worth it" and because that relationship is not completely void of happiness and benefits, even if it isn't quite exactly what you want or the best you can do. Leaving behind the good in order to seek out better is terrifying. What if you don't find it? That's the risk you take. While this time in our lives may not be the one possible time to take that risk, it is the best. Later, you'll be married and have children which will complicate your relationship with that person. You'll have those other people attached to you that would need to move also, which will complicate your relationship with that place. Your need to support those people and pay for that house in that location will complicate your relationship with that company. Saying you can't change something now because it will hurt another or you will end up poor and alone or any other excuse is just that..an excuse. If you want to be something better, now is the time to be it. And if you fail, if you do end up cold and alone and poor, come find me and I'll give some support and a good meal.
But you won't fail.
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